So I am on this major journey at the moment. Growing, changing, learning about me. Most of all, learning to love myself and be true to myself. That is having a huge effect on life and the people around me, some good, some not so great, but either way, it's time.
I had this revelation this morning, that most of the things that I see as problems in my life, most of the times I am unhappy, hurt or disappointed, are because I have failed myself. I have never truly loved myself just for me. I struggle to see why my husband loves me, why my friends love me and I realised that's because I have never really loved me.
My whole life, I've been a people pleaser. I hate to think how many hours I have wasted worrying what people think of me and if I think it's not positive, what I can do to make them like me. When I became a mum, that role slipped a little, because all of a sudden there were these little people who came above everyone else. Unfortunately it didn't change my position on the scale, I still left myself at the bottom. So my little family came first, then everyone else, then me. Totally unhealthy, meaning that I have lived the last decade of my life riddled with anxiety and fear. Seriously, it's a shitty way to live, so something has to change.
So, in the last couple of months I have been working on me. I have lost some weight, booked some time out and began what I imagine will be a reasonably long road to loving this human. I have already figured out that some people will not love this newly revealed me and that is ok. I am not everyone's cup of tea and I am learning to be ok with that (another long path!).
I'm not suddenly going to become a narky bitch, but I am going to be true to myself. Part of the truth of me, is that I actually like helping people, so I'm not going to ditch that, but it will no longer be at the expense of myself. I'm also learning to cut loose the weight of relationships that do me more harm than good. For so many years, I have been more worried about everyone liking me, than worried about whether I like them lol, messed up, I know, but finally, at 41 years of age, I'm wising up.
It's a long road and I'm just at the start, but I'm liking the look of the future.
I had this revelation this morning, that most of the things that I see as problems in my life, most of the times I am unhappy, hurt or disappointed, are because I have failed myself. I have never truly loved myself just for me. I struggle to see why my husband loves me, why my friends love me and I realised that's because I have never really loved me.
My whole life, I've been a people pleaser. I hate to think how many hours I have wasted worrying what people think of me and if I think it's not positive, what I can do to make them like me. When I became a mum, that role slipped a little, because all of a sudden there were these little people who came above everyone else. Unfortunately it didn't change my position on the scale, I still left myself at the bottom. So my little family came first, then everyone else, then me. Totally unhealthy, meaning that I have lived the last decade of my life riddled with anxiety and fear. Seriously, it's a shitty way to live, so something has to change.
So, in the last couple of months I have been working on me. I have lost some weight, booked some time out and began what I imagine will be a reasonably long road to loving this human. I have already figured out that some people will not love this newly revealed me and that is ok. I am not everyone's cup of tea and I am learning to be ok with that (another long path!).
I'm not suddenly going to become a narky bitch, but I am going to be true to myself. Part of the truth of me, is that I actually like helping people, so I'm not going to ditch that, but it will no longer be at the expense of myself. I'm also learning to cut loose the weight of relationships that do me more harm than good. For so many years, I have been more worried about everyone liking me, than worried about whether I like them lol, messed up, I know, but finally, at 41 years of age, I'm wising up.
It's a long road and I'm just at the start, but I'm liking the look of the future.
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